Pull Back
by Tenkasen
Summary: There is always someone, something to pull him back, to stop him from making that final leap.


**Title:** Pull Back  
**Rating: T**  
**Summary:** There is always someone, something to pull him back, to stop him from making that final leap.  
**A/N:** I've noticed, in some reviews I've gotten and seen from other stories, that people sometimes tire of Dick being cheerful and sappy all the time. It intrigued me, because while I certainly love him being a totally hilarious, happy guy, I am under no delusion that he's happy 24/7. I've seen the comics, and he's not like that. Particularly, in his own series, which is kind of odd... In any case, this was made to explore the idea. Do note that I don't actually believe Dick is like this.  
**Notes:** Mentions of thoughts of suicide.  
**Oneshot.**  
**Don't own Batman.**

* * *

_If someone listens, or stretches out a hand, or whispers a word of encouragement, or attempts to understand a lonely person, extraordinary things begin to happen._

_-Loretta Girzartis_

* * *

Whenever he's standing on the edge of the roof, staring either up at the sky or down at the ground four stories down, there's always someone, something to pull him back, to stop him from making that final leap.

It's usually family, keen and smart enough to know when to appear, what to say, what to do.

Sometimes it's work; a sudden fire in an orphanage, a robbery of a bank, explosives detected and set to go off in certain buildings.

It's never on his own. Well, he supposes choosing to go out as Nightwing and help is technically a decision he makes on his own, but if there was no incident, no lives needing to be saved, no psychopath trying to blow Gotham sky high, then he wouldn't turn away from that inviting edge, that simple, taunting idea of letting all his pain and worry crash down with his body on the backyard of Wayne Manor. To leap off the edge, and soar through the air, just for a few seconds, and then have it all gone. Just like his parents.

His new family doesn't want to let him go, though.

Tim is often the most frequent, the one who shares his pain and remorse the most. Tim steps out and tries to sway his older brother with words, with logic, with anything that will have him turn around, paste a smile on his face, and come back inside. His little brother is smart and devious; he's not afraid to put more guilt on Dick's conscious for trying to leave him if that's what it takes to keep him here a little longer. Dick always complies, throws an arm around Tim's shoulders and pretends absolutely nothing wrong has happened. Tim does the same, until the next incident.

Alfred is infrequent, but he always seems to know. Whenever anyone else is gone and Dick finds himself up on that roof with the will to jump, Alfred only has to knock on the window with an excuse ("Master Richard, it's time for dinner" or "Master Richard, if you're going to be spending time outside in this dreadful weather, _do_ put on a jacket") and Dick will be back inside with an equally white lie on his tongue. Skilled, smart, and great, Alfred is. Young, he is not. Dick doesn't want to put Alfred in even a single iota of danger, and that includes having the old man trying to keep balance on the slick, slanted rooftop. Dick doesn't know how great Alfred's balance is, but he's still not willing to chance it.

Jason is a rarity, due to both his hatred of the manor because of the memories it holds and his disinterest in keeping bonds with any of his "brothers". But sometimes he shows up, mask and helmet missing, leather jacket discarded, and his green eyes unimpressed. He usually lights up a cigarette, and sits at the edge, and bluntly starts off by asking if he was finally going to freaking jump or not. Dick often replies that he hasn't made up his mind, and the conversation goes in different directions, depending on what they have to discuss and what they want to discuss. Typically, Jason ends up getting Dick to promise to a fight out in the field in a week or so, using Dick's sense of honor to make sure he stays alive until then.

Damian is new, but he's starting to become just as frequent as Tim, maybe more, since Tim spent a lot of time away, searching for a man that they all buried. He doesn't exactly try to convince Dick to turn away as much as he threatens, growls, and physically grabs his older brother and tugs him away, calling him an idiot for various reasons, but mostly for just standing at the edge and entertaining pointless thoughts that would do no good in the long run. They sound harsh, but Damian has genuine, pure intentions and his voice sometimes breaks when he threatens to dismantle all of Nightwing's bikes and trash his apartment if he so much as takes a half a step off that edge. He can't make his pleas anymore genuine than that, and so Dick turns away to honor his promise to the father of this child. _Child_. A ten year old still learning, still in need of a guardian, a brother, a parent. Dick can't leave him.

When Bruce comes back, proving Tim right and revealing himself, alive and well, it eases Dick's conscious as much as it increases his now instinctual _need_ to punch Bruce in the face, because he had been _worried_ and _miserable_ and he had thought there might be a familiar face waiting for him on the other side, if such a place actually existed.

Bruce finds him, the night he proved his existence was still in play, on the edge of the roof.

All it takes is one punch. One, poor, half-hearted punch and then Dick is on his knees.

Bruce hadn't even moved, and he stared down at his first partner, his first son, in carefully guarded confusion and concern.

"I thought you were dead," Dick tells him, avoiding looking anywhere but down.

"I know." Bruce replies, brisk and firm in tone, stepping forward and kneeling down to eye level. "Dick. What's wrong?"

Dick doesn't say anything, but that tells his adoptive father more than words could. Bruce recognizes this as a moment where he is supposed to be Bruce Wayne and not Batman, which, even after all these years is something he still needs work on, so the not-dead-billionaire awkwardly pulls the younger man into a hug, and whispers assurances, words coated in artificial sugar and truth's Dick's never wanted to listen to, even if he's always believed in them and told them to Tim, Jason, and Damian in different but ultimately similar situations.

_"We will never leave you. We will always be there for you."_

He knows.

And Dick loses control on a few tears that streak past his eyes and then words are tumbling out of his mouth faster than he can process them. It's a jumble of nothing and everything, lies and secrets, rambling at fifty miles-per-hour and then some. Heights are his best friend and worst enemy, and he loves people, needs a chance to be alone, and never should be left to his own devices completely. How he missed Bruce and was stressed about living up to his legacy and _raising a child_ but wasn't too reluctant to believe death had finally claimed it's most elusive life and that Damian had Alfred, anyway.

But to call Bruce just smart is like calling Jason a _little_ temperamental, and _the real_ Batman is able to separate fact from fiction, to pick apart the story and find the pieces of history that matter and that are trivial in a matter of seconds. It's a little longer for him to work out the formula, because that falls into the _social skills_ and _empathetic_ skill categories, something Dick knows he trumps the original Bat in.

"If you try to kill yourself," Bruce says, with Dick still caught in his uncomfortable hug that allows him to hear the voice echo from deep within his chest. "I'm going to punch you."

There's silence as Dick, the talker, the understanding, the ridiculously social bird, gets his brain to understand. When the words make sense, he laughs. It uncontrollable and it is overwhelming and he doesn't know why; simplicity, truthfulness, or simply being too tired to bring himself to keep holding onto his pain. Whatever is the reason, it's painful and refreshingly, and there's a certain lightness that fills him and suddenly he feels like flying and living to make the next leap.

Bruce seems somewhat relieved, which should mean by Dick's math, that in normal society standards, he is extremely happy and beside himself with relief. Then again, Dick thinks he may have multiplied wrong somewhere, but he's still fairly sure he's close enough.

"I will," Bruce threatens, promises. "I won't hold back either."

"I know." Dick says. "I know."

Dick looks over the edge, and for once, doesn't think of jumping.

* * *

**_Fin._**


End file.
